2007 02: No access to their kids’ love

The Star online. News. Opinion. Wednesday February 28, 2007

A FESTIVE season is a time to be merry with our loved ones.

But in the midst of all this is a small group that suffers in silence.

They are not physically or mentally challenged, but parents who have been alienated from their children. Their children are not dead. They are very much alive, living with one parent who has been separated from the other.

Can you imagine the lingering pain and agony of an alienated parent?

The parent who has limited or no access and who can only watch from afar and observe his or her child being cajoled to hate him or her as result of an ugly divorce.

Who actually suffers? It is the child. The innocent and unknowing child is subjected to constant and systematic brainwashing followed by wilful manipulation. The purpose: to destroy a loving and warm relationship they once shared with both parents.

Parental alienation and hostile parenting deprives a child of his right to be loved and to show love to both parents.

This selfish, vindictive and malicious action must be exposed to everyone so that judges, police officers, lawyers, family, friends and society is aware this is happening. A child being traumatised is a form of child abuse.

Children affected by parental alienation suffer intellectually, physically and have deep-rooted life-long emotional problems.

Poor performance in studies, juvenile crime and mental health with the propensity for unstable adulthood are the consequences that bear immeasurable costs.

The Pemaliks, a group that pioneered Pertubuhan Mencegah Alienasi Keibubapaan (Association for the Prevention of Parental Alienation) Kuala Lumpur dan Selangor seeks to create awareness on the negative effects of Parental Alienation.

We aspire to change the mindset of those responsible to carefully weigh their decisions on child custody matters and take into consideration the effects of parental alienation seriously.
Just as the child’s interest and well-being is of paramount importance, so too is the need for undivided love and support from both mother and father.

FRANCIS YEOH CL,
Hon Secretary,
Pertubuhan Mencegah Alienasi Keibubapaan Kuala Lumpur dan Selangor.

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Fathers should also be given fair and equal treatment
The Star online. News. Opinion. Monday March 5, 2007

FRANCIS Yeoh CL’s letter to the editor (The Star, Feb 28) is a plea that has been highlighted repeatedly but continues to be ignored and treated with apathy by the powers to be.

I have been in a similar situation for more than five years and have undergone the immense suffering of not having proper access to my children while continuing to fight an expensive but losing legal battle.

Occasionally a family court judge may be sympathetic but a wily lawyer and ex-wife may coerce the children to describe in court how bad a father you are.

The fact that you have been unstinting in your efforts to gain even minimum access to your children for years or that you pay thousands of ringgit in maintenance fees every month without fail does not make a difference.

The sad fact is that it would seem to be tolerated by society and very often the perpetrator of this kind of mental child abuse would seem to be mothers themselves.

Their thirst for revenge - their overpowering anger towards their children’s father that never lessens with the passing of time - blinds them to the mental anguish suffered by their children.
I am only allowed a few words from a safe distance over a locked gate once every week and I have not hugged nor held the hands of my children for many years now.

I can see the conflicting emotions and sadness in their eyes but I am powerless.

The harsh reality is that the Government, Judiciary, NGOs etc are all intent on fighting for and protecting the rights of women and while there is nothing wrong with this, fathers should also be given fair and equal treatment by them.

SAD DAD,
Kuala Lumpur.