2006 11: Child abuse takes many forms

The Star online. News. Opinion. Sunday November 19, 2006

Child abuse comes in many shrouds and guises, but generally it falls into categories of physical, psychological and sexual abuse, as well as neglect. RASHVINJEET S. BEDI talks to some survivors of the heinous crime of child sexual abuse.

CASE 1
AS a child, Suhaila considered herself unwanted by her mother who had preferred a boy. As such, she always vented her frustrations on Suhaila.

While her father was protective of Suhaila, he often travelled overseas, leaving her vulnerable to her mother.

When she was five years old, a tutor was asked to teach Suhaila English. And so, every night when the others in her family were watching television, Suhaila would be sitting on her teacher's lap with a book in front of her.

Her teacher would slip his hand into Suhaila’s pants and fondle her private parts.
While doing this, he would threaten to kill her if she made any noise. This happened every day for eight months.

“It hurt and burned,” said Suhaila, who complained to her mother but did not get any attention.
“My mother accused me of lying. She said that I wanted to get out of the tuition. I even told other people but they said I was imagining it,” Suhaila recalled.

One day, her teacher entered her room and took off all her clothes.

“He was going to rape me. Luckily someone saw him coming into the room and banged down the door before anything happened. He was finally caught red-handed,” said Suhaila.

Her cousin too tried to lay his hands on Suhaila but she always fought back. She told the people around her, but no one believed her. It was only when she threatened to leave that her father came back to help her.

But Suhaila did not let the incidents get to her and she excelled in her studies and co-curricular
activities.

“I was a fighter. I think it was the environment that I was exposed to,” she said.

Even when her swim coach tried to fondle her breasts when she was nine, she kicked him in the crotch, she said.

At 17, her overall excellence earned her a scholarship to study in the United States. It was there, after talking to someone about her childhood, that she understood what had happened.
“I finally realised the extent of the incident, and it came like a punch to the face. I cried like a baby and was depressed for a while,” she said.

“But I never asked why those things happened to me,” said Suhaila who is now divorced and has two daughters.

“I love my life and laugh a lot. You can choose to swim or sink. I chose to swim. I don’t fear men. Life doesn’t give you second chances. I can count my blessings that something worse did not happen.”